At what point is a relationship over?

[tenka]

avitous.tumblr.com/post/33770655534/at-what-point-is-a-relationship-over

Answer me here, answer me there... I need help and I don't know what to do.

[pysi]

*huggles* My dear tenka, I think you have already realized the best course of action. To me it sounds like he is never going to change and you will never be able to mold him into the person who would like him to be. I understand the work thing, but a good boyfriend will still be able to do house hold chores even if dead tired. My dad used to work over 40 (probably close to 60 some weeks) a week and would still come home and mow the lawn, cook dinner, do laundry, and clean parts of the house. There are guys out there that are willing to do it.

I know it will be hard and rough after 3 long years or living together, but do you really want to see yourself in that situation for another year or longer? I know personally I'd rather not see you that way. I think for your well being/ sanity/ emotional state/ and personal well being it would be best to either attempt to talk about it to your boyfriend and see what he says... or to move on. I'm here for ya if you need anything hun *huggles again*

[ShadowedFlames]

I've tried to think of a few ways to answer this that would make me come off as steadfastly defending the male gender against overwhelming odds, but each of them have sounded shallow to me. So I'm just going to let words come out and see what happens.

I will preface this by stating that in my adult life, I've been in two relationships (one of three years, one that was on-and-off for six). Neither one ended very well for me despite my efforts, so if I sound bitter at times, I apologize in advance. You can say life made me that way.

It sounds to me that your boyfriend has reached the point in the relationship in which he doesn't have to try any more. He figures that you're going to be there for him, no matter what, so he doesn't have to constantly try to woo you to him with spontaneous gestures of love, or even the day-to-day things that can ruin a relationship. It's at this point where the other person in the relationship has to weigh the pros and cons of different courses of action and go with the path that may hurt in the short term but ultimately be for the best. From reading your words, it strikes me as "I work more that a full work week, why should I have to do more work when I come home? Isn't that why you're here all the time?" (Note: I have no idea if that is true or not.)

Some guys still have the mentality of they do the work, and they expect their significant others to handle the household duties for the most part. Some jobs, like the air conditioner thing you mentioned, should fall under the male's purview because of the traits usually needed to do the job (and let's face it, those guys typically want to look macho or "show off" for their womenfolk). The fact that after this long, some of the things are still not getting done, point to either terminal laziness or simply not giving a damn,

Either way, that's not what a woman should be looking for unless they hold a distinct mid-1900's mindset.

What I get from your writing is that you're essentially looking for others to back up your decision that your conscience hasn't accepted yet. You know what you should do, but your conscience cries out at all of those wasted years and the need to salvage something. I speak from experience when I say that sometimes, there just isn't anything there to salvage.

If he isn't willing to even attempt to meet you halfway in these things now, it's only going to get worse the longer you let it go. I'm afraid I have to agree with Pysi on this one.

If he won;t listen to you, it's time to put an end to it and hope the next one will go better.

[tenka]

Thank you for responding, guys. I appreciate it so much.

I had a talk with him. I talked to him about my feelings and my thoughts on breaking up. He says he'll shape up and stop using work as an excuse, and he'll be sure not to lapse back because he knows what the alternative is. He insists that there's nothing I need to change, and that I do too much already. Hopefully, with this new shift supervisor, his work schedule will improve greatly. I suppose we just have to go up from here.